Friday, 03 September 2010
Home
| Webbed Feat: all’s well that’s Roswell |
|
|
| Monday, 21 September 2009 | |
|
Little green men will rule the world. Elvis will sell you a burger and we are all going to die. Must be true, I found out on the Internet!
The Internet feeds the minds of the enfeebled. OK, people have the human right to believe that Elvis is alive, Osama bin-Laden is a fictional creation or a member of Mossad, women are all created from a male rib and Kylie Minogue is the new Billy Bragg. And a stitch in time will always save nine.
But, and it’s a whopping big ‘but’, the people who generate this information are obsessive compulsive disorderists and they vent their selective spleens over the Internet. But then again, we all love a conspiracy... The democratisation of knowledge and the super-sizing of free speech thanks to the Internet combine to open the floodgates of stupidity, all the better to wash away the alluvial plains of truth. (Look, I’m writing this crap and I’m getting tired of these endless watery metaphors, similes, etc). Blog away. The Earth Is Not Round. The Sky is Falling Down. Adam and Eve. Elvis Lives. Jesus Saves (but Esposito scores on the rebound). I Live with a SeatBelt. Eat Your Greens. My Other Car is a Porsche. Whale Oil Beef Hooked. The Internet brings us sloganised knowledge where a fairy tale, biblical myth or a bumper sticker at least holds some kind of jokey credibility and an iota of truth. And did you notice? Elvis is an anagram of Lives. Of course. The Internet brings us conspiracy theories aplenty. How spooky is that? Ha ha ha Harmless fun? Ask Gary McKinnon. He faces extradition to the United States (of America) because he hacked into NASA computers. He reportedly suffers from Asperger’s syndrome which may or may not explain why he carved his initials into the NASA website: he wanted evidence of the existence of UFOs. Recent events show us that Americans don’t ‘do’ compassion (don’t challenge this one, I’m a Scot): take the poor lad away and let him rot in hell. That’s the born-again neo-con Christian way, isn’t it? You might laugh. But McKinnon, if extradited, faces life imprisonment in the USA. He’d face the death penalty were it not that the somewhat more civilised European Union will not extradite people to the wholly more barbaric and bloodthirsty United States when the defendant is liable to be killed, sometimes clumsily, by the state. This, in Ohio, is now called the ‘slow death’ penalty. But the ‘scum’ deserves it and humane killing is too good for him. That’s what Fox News says. So it must be true. Any other country, apart from one with a non-priapic penis where its brain should be, would sign up Gary McKinnon on a long term consultancy contract. It pains me that NASA and others will have paid out millions to that end to other more familiar/suck-up consultants, gucci-shod, having shown itself already too scared to touch the remarkable young man who so calmly and inadvertently exposed their shortcomings. And he was just looking for evidence that ET really did try to phone home. Gary, if you are reading this, I’m pretty sure ET was just a character in a film. But if you want to believe that he was something more, that’s ok, too. We’re going to have a quick glance at the moral rectitude and probity of your would-be imprisoners. Over in the United States (of America) McKinnon is currently the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, riding alongside Osama, Saddam (he fell off – “we got ‘im”) and Kim Jong-Il. Some of the Americans do ‘the apocalypse’. Let’s check this out. It is often known as ‘the endtime’. Shit, shit, shit. I was trying to look into how the Internet conflates freedom of speech with the human need to be stupid (religion, delusion, etc). It was to be a gentle exercise in humorous ribbing. But what is this? I go to www.endtime.com. Next? I go to the endtime ‘shop’. The world is ending and there is a shop. What does the shop sell? Here’s a selection: # Holy Roman Empire Revived - Where Will the Antichrist Come From (DVD) # The Life & Teachings of Jesus Christ Pt. 3 (DVD) # Understanding the Endtime Level 1: Lesson 1 United States Discovered in the Bible (DVD) FREE SHIPPING!!!! # Understanding the Endtime Level 1: Lesson 2 New World Order Is World Government- CD # Understanding the Endtime Level 1: Lesson 2 New World Order Is World Government- DVD # Understanding the Endtime Level 1: Lesson 3 Islam in Bible Prophecy- CD # Understanding the Endtime Level 1: Lesson 3 Islam in Bible Prophecy- DVD Oh and there is another: * WWlll - Entrance Ramp For The Antichrist (DVD) Do true believers have DVD players? Are the CDs cheaper? I have the deepest respect for all people of faith. When they are not burning books they tend to be good company. Some of the most fun amongst them will get too drunk and wake up with their first word being....”god”. I respect that. I had a sneak preview of how endtime plays out. Apparently, true believers will float up to the sky, ethereally, while non-believers and sinners will be INCINERATED by FIRE on earth during a FIGHT between god and the DEVIL. At which point the true believers will float back down to earth... and gloat. Sums up the Christian hoards I guess. You’ll notice that I did not put ‘god’ in capital letters; he asked me not to. Who am I to refuse? Religion is the world’s longest-running conspiracy theory. I don’t care what breed of that hokum you profess to follow; it’s great for you so that’s ok. Depending on your predilection you can nip over to the endtime shop and buy yourself a fridge magnet before it all goes pear-shaped. That way, you can float back down to earth and your shopping list will still be there, stuck fast to your fridge, although my local Sainsbury’s stocks neither sackcloth, nor ashes. Save the taiga But what is out there? Let’s follow Gary and find what the Internet will tell us. It’s not easy, because ‘Roswell’ is a byword for soft-headed thinking. But scratch away for a bit and you get: “On June 30 l908, a huge fireball descended and exploded above the taiga in the Tunguska region of Russia. One of the largest explosions known to man, this well documented event has been chronicled in books and magazines around the world. Fifty eight years later, at the end of June (or beginning of July according to some versions) 1966, approximately 1300 kilometres west of the l908 Tunguska site, another strange object came to earth accompanied by yet another huge explosion. There were media reports regarding this incident known as the ‘Obsky Meteorite’ and it is still officially classified as top secret in Russia today.” I love this. It is referred to as 'Russia’s Roswell'. Language has so many shortcomings. How would we do ‘stupidity, squared’? Disgraceland We are on a roll. Is Elvis alive? Of course not! No, of course he is! Here’s proof: “Elvis Presley, the man, the myth, the legend, the king of rock-n-roll, IS ALIVE and working as an undercover agent for the DEA. For years, the man known only as Elvis to the public, has caused world wide confusion concerning his supposed death on August 16, 1977 after entertaining and dazzling the world for over 20 years. Elvis Aaron Presley, did not die on that fateful day. He was only removed from the public eye to continue in his fight against drug use.” “It had been rumored that he had died from a drug overdose. It is a well known and documented fact that Elvis had always been a strong believer and fighter against communism and drug use. In a meeting with President Richard Nixon on December 20, 1970, Elvis stated his true feelings against drugs and communism, believing that the two were definitely related. At that time, the President appointed him to be a Special Agent in the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs (now known as the Drug Enforcement Agency or DEA). What a perfect way to stage his escape from the limelight and publicity to move into undercover activities to prevent the use of drugs, than to say that he had died from the use of drugs.” ET may phone home and Elvis may pick up the receiver on planet Zog. But some of this nonsense is far too serious and far too close to home to be left unchallenged. The recent anniversary of September 11th told us this anew. Here is some of the cack. “A videotape purportedly showing Osama bin Laden confessing to the 9/11 attacks was made public on December 13, 2001: The tape bore a label indicating it was made on November 9. Administration officials wouldn't reveal exactly how or when they got it, except to say it was found in a house in Jalalabad after anti-Taliban forces moved in. [Online NewsHour] “The videotape was supposedly physically located. The size of a standard VHS videotape is 7.5 inches wide by 4.2 inches deep by 1 inch high - if you look in a video cabinet you'll see they're not very big. The satellite photograph shows Jalalabad - it is very big and it contains a lot of buildings (not all single storey).” “Don't you find it somewhat fortuitous that a very small video tape of Osama confessing to the 9/11 attacks was found in this very big city? Were squads of video watchers sent in to view every tape found just in case one showed Osama confessing?” Mea culpa I find this stuff fascinating and amusing when I am upbeat and depressing when I am not. Just now, using these examples, it is neither fascinating nor amusing. It's self-perpetuating gratuitous crap. Elvis told me to say that. I always do what the crooner tells me. Jim Chalmers |
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|